Who You Got Oscar?

The Academy Awards are tonight and I am very excited to watch them when I get home from youth. I wanted to give you my predictions and also who I would like to see win the Oscar.

Best Picture-Prediction: The Artist
My pick: The Descendants or Tree of Life coming out of nowhere to steal the award.

Best Actor-Prediction: Jean (The Artist)
My pick: Gary Oldman. He was awesome in Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

Best Director-Prediction: Michel Hazanavicius (The Artist)
My pick: Woody Allen (Midnight in Paris)

Best Actress-Prediction: Viola Davis (The Help)
My pick-Michelle Williams (My Week With Marilyn) with Rooney Mara (The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo) as a potential major upset bid.

Best Supporting Actor-Prediction: Christopher Plummer (The Beginners)
My pick-Kenneth Branagh (My Week With Marilyn). Great performance and certainly worthy of the prestigious award.

Best Supporting Actress-Prediction: Octavia Spencer (The Help)
My pick-Jessica Chastain (The Help)

Animated Feature-Prediction: Rango
My pick-Rango (if I had to choose)

Cinematography-Prediction: The Artist
My Pick-Tree of Life

Music (Original Score)-Prediction:John Williams (War Horse)
My pick-John Williams (War Horse)

Music (Original Song)-Prediction: Man or Muppet
My pick-Man or Muppet

Visual Effects-My Prediction:Rise of the Planet of the Apes
My Pick-Rise of the Planet of the Apes or Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. Potter needs at least one Oscar for its incredible franchise.

Original Screenplay-My Prediction: Woody Allen (Midnight in Paris)
My pick-Woody Allen (Midnight in Paris)

Adapted Screenplay-My Prediction: Alexander Payne, Jim Rash & Nat Faxon (The Descendants)
My Pick-Moneyball all the way. That movie was too good to walk away empty handed even though it will be in all the major categories.

Here they are. I hope you enjoy watching them tonight. I know I will and hopefully more of my picks will win as opposed to my predictions. Happy Oscars night everyone.

The Number 23

My 23rd birthday is just a few days away. Three to be exact and so I had the idea that I would share with you a short list (23 items) of lesser known facts about myself to celebrate my 23 years on earth. So here ya go.

1.) I have interestingly been to 23/50 states(Texas, Oklahoma, Mississippi, Missouri, Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, New Jersey, Maryland, Kentucky, Tennessee, Georgia, Arkansas, Louisiana, West Virginia, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, and New Mexico). But I have only lived in 3(Ohio, Texas, and Indiana).

2.) When growing up in Texas, I dreamt of being a cowboy in the rodeo.

3.) I have been to Cedar Point 10+ times in my life but I have never been on the Top Thrill Dragster.

4.) I have eaten in the restaurant of my favorite tv sitcom(Tom’s Restaurant-Seinfeld).

5.) I delivered my first real sermon when I was 19 years old while on a mission trip.

6.) The DJs at 93.5 WRQN used to know mine and my brother’s name because we called in so much.

7.) I was born in Lima, Ohio, which is only known to the public because it is the town where Glee is set in.

8.) Many people think that because I compare my relationship with Naomi to Tom and Summer that my favorite movie is (500) Days of Summer when my favorite film is actually Back to the Future Part One.

9.) I got my first black eye going down a ramp on my bike when I was a year and a half old. After this I learned to perfect the scowl.

10.) I fell on a cactus, got stung by a jellyfish, and got bit by an ostrich all within a 2 year span.

11.) I have had my driver’s license for nearly seven years and I have never owned my own car but I have driven more than 30.

12.) My unrealistic dream school was Stanford when I was in elementary and middle school. I was set on going to Ohio University since the beginning of high school and it was not until my graduation party that I decided that I was going to Anderson University.

13.) If I could live anywhere in the U.S., it would probably be Seatlle, Washington because I like the rain so much.

14.) My love for Lifehouse was rekindled in high school through Smallville.

15.) I witnessed a wedding in Central Park just outside of Strawberry Fields.

16.) I did not become a huge Harry Potter fan until the summer of 2007 right after Deathly Hallows was released.

17.) The first video game I ever beat was The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.

18.) In 12 years of baseball, I had hundreds of hits but only had one walk-off hit and it came with a single against Gibsonburg when I was 9.

19.) I was nearly abducted off the streets when I was three years old.

20.) I am secretly very good at ping pong. I was even a member of a ping pong club when I was in college.

21.) I have an ongoing battle with depression.

22.) In 23 years, my birthday has only been on a Friday once, when I was in 2nd grade.

23.) I have broken into two college baseball fields in order to play on them.

Maybe some of these have been mundane facts about me and maybe some have been extremely interesting. Either way I hope you enjoyed learning a bit more about me and some of the events of my 23 years of life.

Ode to Infinite Window Monsters

The storms approach ever so slowly
I’m coming up only to show you wrong
I’m coming from nowhere I’m already gone
And always in time, I’m never looking over my shoulder
Impossibilities at the door, I won’t be needing them anymore
And everything that I know can’t remember now
For man don’t say how or even know why
In time I’d find a little way to your heart
If I am lost, it’s only for a little while
If ever beat down, we know we are

I could sleep when I lived alone
Nobody’s outside, there’s no one really at all
If you say you’re gonna go, then be careful
Count on us all stepping on our own toes
It’s temporary, this place in, I permanently won’t do this again
Wash your hands of it forever, see the whole scene unravel
And sometime soon be better than you were
We’re reeling through and endless fall
At the end of the night we’d all seen better days
What if we die, no end no conclusion, How could you smile, just walk away

Best of 2011

It is crazy to think that another year has already passed and another is just beyond the dawn. But with every passing year, comes the songs and movies that made the year just good enough to get by. So here my list of the best songs of 2011 as well as the books and films that have helped me make through this crazy, transitional year. (Remember these songs and films do not have to have been released in 2011, I either discovered them or they played an important role during the year.)

25. Bambi-Tokyo Police Club-My friend Megan had tried to get me to listen to this band for what seemed like months during the fall of 2010 but I never got around to it until this past September. I gave it a listen and this tune is the one that left the biggest impression on me.

24. Suburbs-Arcade Fire-I have been familiar with Arcade Fire for a number of years but never really cared for their music up until I came across this song. It is no wonder that this CD won a Grammy last year.

23. Lisztomania-Phoenix-I have been a fan of Phoenix since the summer before my senior year of high school after hearing several tracks off of their United album. However, this year, marked a deeper imprint on my musical tastes with the release of Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix album. The album in its entirety is excellent but this is still one of my favorites from it.

22. Our Swords-Band of Horses-In a year where Band of Horses was definitely my favorite band, it is no surprise to see this song on the list. It really clicked with me thinking about “falling on our own swords” or setting ourselves up for failure, which is something I think I did to myself a lot this year and this song helped put some of own mistakes in perspective.

21. Ragged Wood-Fleet Foxes-Fleet Foxes is one of those bands that some of my friends from school were really into. I never really listened to them so I couldn’t understand but once I sat down and began to appreciate them, especially this song, it began to all make sense.

20. These Days-Black Keys-I remember first hearing this song with Teddy on the way back from Allied in early June, I couldn’t help but be drawn into this song and this band. The whole sound reminds me of a Led Zeppelin/Rolling Stones modern mix and it was too much to ignore especially with lyrics like “Watch what you say, the devil is listening. He’s got ears that you wouldn’t believe. Brother once you go to him, it’s your soul you can never retrieve.”

19. On the Bus Mall-The Decemberists-They were another band that I had heard of and was quite popular among my friends that I chose to ignore for years but this song really put them on the radar for me. It probably isn’t my favorite song by them anymore but it brought the spotlight on them for me for the first time and so it deserves the recognition for that reason alone.

18. Beautiful Things-Gungor-Just a beautiful song. It helped bring our campus together when we would sing together during chapel and it was a reminder of what the Lord can do out of tragedy in the remembrance of June 5, 2010.

17. Lasso-Phoenix-I really became aware of this song through playing Guitar Hero Warriors of Rock and it continued to grow on me with its catchy tune and clever lyrics.

16. We Are The Tide-Blind Pilot-When I first heard Blind Pilot’s new record, this was not one of my favorite songs. When my copy of their album came in my mail and I listened to it again, it was not one of my favorite songs. However, when I saw them live at the Blind Pig in Ann Arbor in November and they closed with this, it suddenly resonated in me and I became obsessed with it for the next few weeks. I cannot believe it took me so long to appreciate its greatness.

15. Knights-Minus the Bear-This was one of those songs that I found when I stumbled upon this cool website that allowed me to sample all kinds of Indy rock bands. I had only heard one song by Minus the Bear prior to this one and I was a big fan of that song (We Are Not a Football Team) so I decided to check them out and Knights and its unique sound and guitar solos took me by pleasant surprise.

14. Never Gonna Give You Up-Black Keys-My favorite song of the Brothers album. A song about perseverance and never giving up on someone no matter how they treat you. It is something that I can relate to in the past few years and the beauty in the sound of the music is equal to its beauty in lyrics and it is very deserving of this spot.

13. Angeline-Lifehouse-I remember randomly seeing a tweet about a new Lifehouse song that they had performed at a concert. Being the huge Lifehouse fan that I am I quickly checked it out and was blown away by another beautiful love song written by lead singer Jason Wade. I couldn’t help but be disappointed that they did not perform it when I saw them for a third time this past August, but I cannot wait until their new album comes out and I certainly hope to see this on there. It is also not hard to want the love for a girl that Jason sings about in this song. I know I certainly do.

12. Galaxies-Owl City-I am a big fan of Adam Young the musician but a bigger fan of Adam Young the person. The way he lives and the stories he tells are an inspiration to me as a young, single Christian. But liking his music as much as I do, I was pumped when he released his new album, All Things Bright and Beautiful this year. A number of unique tunes as usual, this one just made the biggest impression on me. It was great to see him in concert as well in June, he really does love what he is doing and he certainly shows it on stage.

11. A New Beginning-Alexandre Desplat-I think that it makes sense that my favorite song from perhaps the most beautiful scene in the Harry Potter franchise should be on the list. He does a phenomenal job with the entire score but this one stands out to me. I hope that he gets the Oscar that he deserves.

10. Space Travel is Boring-Sun Kil Moon-This was another band and song that I stumbledupon this past fall. It is soothing, excellently written and it immediately resonated with me. I cannot be sure what it is about but it seems like the moon is the land of new opportunities and after a short time the desire to return to what is normal and what he is used to is apparent. I can understand this desire and sympathize with the song’s writer.

9. I Know-Blind Pilot-The first time I listened to the new record, this was my favorite song. It is still my favorite song on the record. It much like The Story I Heard from the album Three Rounds and a Sound just have an overwhelmingly peaceful sound to me. And with lyrics like “when I feel your touch, I know where the day ends, all the lines meet the horizons” how can you not be sucked into the beauty of the song.

8. In Your Atmosphere-John Mayer-My roommate Eric loved this song. I liked it but it was never anything special. The moment I left school, suddenly I understood and it became the reminder of everything I left behind in Anderson. All the times and memories I made with friends and Eric. It wasn’t always easy, but I love Eric and the rest of my friends from school and I will never forget the memories we created together.

7. Satellite-Guster-This song came up on my Lifehouse pandora station over Christmas break last year and from the moment I heard it, I knew it was going to be a song I wasn’t going to forget anytime soon. I love the line “maybe you will always be a just a little out of reach.” The perfect thing is there and we see it, it just seems that we will never be able to get there. I can feel that. I have the picture of the girl I want to be with and the city where I want to live and the job I want to have, it just seems that those are always just a bit out of reach.

6. I May Lose Everything-Ministry of Magic-I was completely blown away the first time I heard this. It has been sitting in my iTunes for a long time without being heard until I decided to bust out some Wizard Wrock one day. You may think that it is stupid that a song about a particular moment and battle during Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix could make a best of list let alone such a high spot, but I think it goes beyond my love for Harry Potter that makes this song so special. First it is by a band that used to go by a Christian name called 38th Parallel, which I also liked and listened to, proving that Christ followers can love Harry Potter as well. Second, Harry did experience awful things and lost those close to him before he finally was victorious but through it all he never backed down and that is something that I find incredible about his story. This year has not been easy, it is not easy staying close with friends with everyone when they are still in school and I am at home. The job hunt has not been kind or easy, I have had friends pass away suddenly this year as well and sometimes I feel like I am losing everything and that my back is against the wall but just like Harry and the song, I won’t back down and accept that we may lose everything with the exception of our Savior Jesus Christ.

5. Believe You-Bryce Soderberg-This was a song I randomly came across while on youtube of Bryce from Lifehouse taking the lead on vocals. I love the song Wrecking Ball that he wrote and sings on Smoke and Mirrors so I was really interested to see how this song was and I was completely blown away by it. Great song and I hope that he gets the opportunity to share his words more in the upcoming album.

4. Dilly-Band of Horses-I can’t really say enough good things about Band of Horses and how their music completely shaped my summer. I helped introduce them to some of my closest friends and now they are as crazy for them as I am. The moment I heard this one, I loved it. Their lyrics are not always the easiest to hear or interpret, but they are powerful when they are heard. “Take the mask off when you speak to me” and “all your life to think of what a mess you made.” Great lyrics to think about and reflect upon and I have taken the time to think about these this year. I think that we all hide things about ourselves with other people and we refuse to let take these masks down. I am certainly no different. I think about some of the poor decisions that I have made and think about the mess I have made because of some of them. Great reflection song and not to mention it has a pretty cool and creative video as well.

3. It Still Remains-Cartel-I have had the Cycles album for two plus years and I did not recall this song until randomly listening to it this past summer. Instantly I connected with this song. I was reminded of my relationship with Naomi as the song sums our relationship when we were together, shortly after and even with wrestling with my feelings after hearing about her engagement this summer. “Is there any other way to stop thinking about any of the days? we had it figure out, don’t want to lose you now after all we’ve been through, is there nothing I can say to turn you around? Maybe that’s the way to stop thinking bout all those yesterdays that still remain?” Powerful lyrics and describes everything in a nutshell.

2. That’s Where You’re Wrong-Arctic Monkeys-I owe my buddy Wyatt a big one for introducing me to the Arctic Monkeys. I have since been a fan for three years but I had not heard any songs off of their new album when I purchased it this summer. I enjoyed it but nothing had tugged at the heart yet until this song, the final track on the record. I think its awesome that they use words like wanderlust and blunderbuss even though I don’t know what blunderbuss is. In this song, there was just something about the line “Don’t take it so personally you’re not the only one that time has got it in for honey, that’s where you’re wrong.” I certainly feel sometimes that time has got in for me but knowing that I’m not the only one sometimes makes all the difference.

1. The Great Salt Lake-Band of Horses-It seems only fitting that the #1 song of the year should be by the band that has impacted me the most this year, Band of Horses. I remember loving both Infinite Arms and Cease to Begin and being completely unaware that they had an earlier record. Once I was ware of Everything All the Time, I listened to it hoping to find new favorites. This was it. I have no clue what the song is about whether it has anything to do with the real Great Salt Lake or some kind of memory that took place there. It doesn’t matter to me though. This song just captivates me with lines I don’t understand but just get like “your old man was but a wishing machine its time that you can spare now he’s getting old” and “if you find yourself falling apart, I’m sure I could stand on the Great Salt Lake.” I don’t know what kind of year or where I would be if I had not come across Band of Horses. Great music, great band. Thankful for them.

Here are some songs that are deserving of honorable mention and are in the hunt for next year’s list already: Idado-Gregory Alan Isakov, Love Love Love-Of Monsters and Men, Here-Pavement, Trial of the Century-French Kicks, Spitting Fire-The Boxer Rebellion, Theme for Moonglow-Windsor Airlift, War of My Life-John Mayer, Deftlef Schrempf-Amber Wilson, The Funeral and Ode to LRC-Band of Horses, When the War Came-The Decemberists, American Dream-Cartel, Die Alone-Ingrid Michaelson, You’re A Tourist-Death Cab For Cutie, Long Walk to Never-Jaymay, If I Ever Feel Better-Phoenix, For the First Time-The Script, Kinder Blumen-Real Estate, Sally’s Theme-Alec Puro, I’ll Believe You When-Matchbox 20, Sweet Elaine-Josh Rouse, 59 Sound-The Gas Light Anthem and Flow-Cage the Elephant.

I have been extremely lucky to have been able to see a multitude of films this year most of which I highly enjoyed and I want to share them with you and the grade I have given them starting from A’s to F’s and they are not in chronological order to how I saw them or how my favorites within grades.

Water For Elephants: A
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2: A
50/50: A
Midnight in Paris: A
We Bought A Zoo: A
The King’s Speech: A
I Am Sam: A
Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows: A
Tree of Life: A-
Moneyball: A-
My Week With Marilyn: A-
Never Let Me Go: A-
The Descendants: A-
Rise of the Planet of the Apes: A-
Happy Thank You More Please: A-
The Art of Getting By: A-
The Chronicles of Narnia:Voyage of the Dawn Treader: A-
Soul Surfer: A-
Blue Valentine: B+
December Boys: B+
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo: B+
X-Men:First Class: B+
The Beginners: B+
The Boy in Striped Pajamas: B+
Black Swan: B
Hesher: B
Crazy Stupid Love: B
Wild Target: B
In Bruges: B
I Am Number Four: B
Brick: B
The Lovely Bones: B
127 Hours: B-
Peep World: B-
Scream 4: B-
Kickass: B-
Our Idiot Brother: C+
Hereafter: C+
Nightmare on Elm Street: C+
Bridesmaids: C+
Tucker and Dale Vs Evil: C
Little Fockers: C
Devil: C
One Day: C-
Brothers: C-
The Green Lantern: C-
No Strings Attached: C-
Paranormal Activity 3: D+
Hall Pass: D
J Edgar: D-
I Love You Philip Morris: D-
Breaking Dawn Part One: F

I have also devoted a great deal of my time this year to reading which is something I have never really cared for much in the past but I want to share the list of books I have read and been able to escape my reality through this past year. Once again these are not in any particular order such as the order in which I read them or listed as my favorites first.

The Orphaned Anything’s-Stephen Christian
We Are Safe Here-Stephen Christian
Guilt.Doubt.Indolence-David Gehring
How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying-Shepherd Mead
Paul is Undead-Alan Goldsher
Beatleology-Adam Jaquette and Roger Jaquette
Broetry-Brian McGackin
Recollection-Joseph Gordon-Levitt(HitRecord)
The Hunger Games-Suzanne Collins
Catching Fire-Suzanne Collins
Divergent-Veronica Roth
Not A Fan-Kyle Idleman
Equus-Peter Shaffer
Water For Elephants-Sara Gruen
The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo-Stieg Larsson
Dear Mr. Potter-(edited by Lily Zalon)
Harry Potter: Page to Screen-Bob McCabe
An Abundance of Katherines-John Green
Will Grayson, Will Grayson-John Green & David Levithan
Let It Snow-John Green, Maureen Johnson & Lauren Myracle
Paper Towns-John Green
Looking For Alaska-John Green
Perks of Being a Wallflower-Stephen Chbosky

And I re-read

Harry Potter & The Sorcerer’s Stone
Harry Potter & The Chamber of Secrets
Harry Potter & The Prisoner of Azkaban
Harry Potter & The Goblet of Fire
Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix
Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince
Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows

Even though 2011 wasn’t the best or easiest year, the dynamic worlds of music, film & literature really provided with me a much needed boost. I hope 2012 can provide some of the great art that 2011 did. I can’t wait to find out.

My Precious

Change is never an easy concept to understand and get used to. Unfortunately, it is something that life throws at us, sometimes with more regularity than we would like. I think I have dealt with more change in the last seven months than perhaps I have faced in my entire life. I have graduated and sent my school days in my rear view mirror, dealt with trying to find my career in a poor job market, tried to get used to having long relationships with all of my friends, watched two friends pass away and now exchanged my home of 12 years for a smaller place around the corner.

I absolutely understand and respect the reasons behind the move but it doesn’t make it any easier. Perhaps the hardest part has been giving up the freedom of my own room. My precious room which honed and supported my growth and creativity over the years. My precious room that met my needs of isolation and provided my escape from reality through film and literature. Sometimes it seemed counterproductive in the way it discouraged my need for attention and social aspects of life but I think everyone struggles for a healthy balance of social activity and aloneness.

It’s not like I haven’t shared a room before. I roomed with one of my best friends Matt while at school for three years and I will never forget the bonds of friendship that were established in those years. I have found myself sharing a common living quarter with my brother. This isn’t the first time I have had to do so but it is the first time since we have both really grown and matured as young adults. My brother and I do get along well for the most part which helps adjusting to these changes. And it isn’t that I can’t go upstairs or somewhere else in order to be alone if I wish because i can. I think he would agree with me when I think the issue is not having a place to call our own.

Everyone needs something or some place to call their own and I feel that this year, I have lost pieces of me here and there in relationships, jobs and rooms. Despite being damaged, unsure of myself, and lost, I remained loved. Love so pure, love unwavering, and never ceasing. The love that only a Savior can provide. It is this love that keeps me going and keeps me trusting. My precious Savior. His precious love. Whenever I feel alone or overwhelmed, He meets my needs and showers me with that love and provides me the strength to keep going and face change head on.

I find comfort in these words,
“Climb up above
Your precious time
Don’t worry your time
Don’t hurry your mind”

Parting of Ways

Erica,

I can’t possibly describe how incredible of a person you were. It was always such a pleasure to hang out with you and experience the joy that you radiated. You and your family have always been so welcoming to me and will always hold a special place in my heart.

I don’t think I ever told you, but you were such a big influence and part of my life especially my junior and senior years of high school. You and Keith really took me and Alex under your wing and showed us the love of Christ and just loved on us and for that I cannot possibly thank you enough. I met a lot of incredibly awesome people through you. I know it didn’t work out, but you introduced me to Dana and I got to learn about myself, about her and relationships in general through our time together. You were always such an encouragement to be around and I wish I got to talk to you more these past few years.

I will always remember all the late summer nights you would stay up with Dbrown, Tim, Ted, your brother and I and beat us around in poker. I loved that we were always the quietest of the bunch but we seemed to just have an unspoken understanding of each other and the situations around us. I remember how much you loved the song On Fire by Switchfoot. You made it your ringtone and how it seemed to go off every 30 seconds. I can’t listen to that song and not think of you. I will never forget going to spend the 4th of July with you and Mark and then getting stranded at your house with Alex because Katie left abruptly without telling me. I remember when you came home from California and just gave me and Tim the biggest, warmest hugs you could possibly fathom. You were an incredible daughter, sister, wife, mother, aunt, friend, woman of faith and the perfect role model for any young woman. I hope my future daughter will grow up one day to be just like you.

I am sorry that I wasn’t able to attend your wedding. I really wanted to and I am just so sorry that I couldn’t be able to share in your and Mark’s special day. I am sorry that I have not been able to meet Peyton yet but the bigger shame is how she will not grow up with the incredible, beautiful and loving mother that I was privileged to know for six years. I know Peyton will be surrounded by an unbelievable father and family that will love and support her and tell her and share with her the stories of her wonderful mother. You touched so many lives here on earth in such a short time. I know you would want us to be strong in this time and so we be that for you like you were for so many of us. Thanks for your love, friendship, and joyous spirit. You will be forever missed.

Love always your friend,
Nate

Erica Montgomery-July 22, 1985-December 12, 2011

Praying for Mark & Peyton, Bridgett, Steph, Alex and Dominic as well as the rest of your family and friends.

Utopia

I am sitting here completely and utterly alone. The room is pitch black and there is nothing and no one to be seen. If I wasn’t aware of my own existence, I would think I wasn’t there either. This place is completely silent except I can’t seem to get these sounds out of my head. My thoughts stampede inside my brain as if they were running from their imminent demise. Despite my frantic thoughts, I continue to sit, unscathed by the events taking place upstairs. I breathe in and then out, repeatedly not acknowledging the importance of every breath. Instead I think and act as if they are all the same blasé exchanges between my lungs and mouth.

It is within my naivety that I place my hand upon the carpet. I graze the rough topography of the surface beneath me. This carpet is the same as it has been for years and years and yet I feel as if I truly notice it for the first time.

Suddenly someone screams and I am falling. I flail my arms and legs attempting to regain control but it is to no avail. I feel my chest begin to pound as my heart compensates for the sudden change in posture. I try to open my eyes but they aren’t there. I attempt to yell for help but I do not know how to speak. The speed to which I fall seems to increase with every wavering second yet the end seems to be no closer than to when I first began. I attempt to maneuver in such a manner that I can see where I am falling but the point is moot. I don’t know who or what is controlling this scenario, but I know for certain, it is out of my hands.

I feel like I have been falling, tumbling, and spiraling through this vacant space for days now. I don’t know how much longer I will survive this descension. Suddenly my feet reach hard ground and I am able to stand by my own strength once again. I look around and I do not recognize this place one bit. I am standing on a small cliff overlooking a vast and beautiful ocean. I am surrounded by thousands of the tallest trees I have ever seen, each with a genuine and original story to tell. I am fascinated by the nature of it all. I want to hear their stories and see the creatures that call this magnificent forest home. But something has caught my attention. Something has captured my gaze and re-directed my focus. It seems so out of place and yet so perfect at the same time. I’m still not sure what it is. I think I know but the events of recent time have been so abnormal, I am beginning to doubt myself and challenge everything I see. I begin to run towards the edge of the cliff without even thinking twice. I leap off and I feel myself falling again only this time I can see the beginning and I see the end. I feel the wind surge right through me as if I weren’t there. It fills me with a sense of calm I not knew possible. Still falling. I brace myself for the impact, expecting my legs to give way but they do not. I stand straight as the sand begins to seep between my toes, delivering a tickling sensation to my skin. The sun is bright and reflects beautifully upon the water. I look and I know that I was right. A woman stands facing the endless sea wearing a brightly colored yellow dress that sways back and forth in the wind. She is laughing as she dances back and forth in the breeze completely unaware that she is no longer alone. I begin to walk towards her, thinking about what I should say to her. The butterflies begin to dance all around in my stomach as I begin to feel the water cover my feet. I reach her and instead of speaking, I reach for her hand and spin her so she now faces me. She is breathtaking and exquisite in every possible way. Her chestnut brown hair shines in the sun and swings back and forth amidst the breeze. Her smile warms my heart and bones and leaves me standing there motionless. I am lost in the welcoming gaze of her blue eyes. As I look, I feel as if I have known her my whole life and yet I have never seen her before. She takes my hand and laces my fingers with hers. Her soft touch is the cure to every pain I have ever known. I look down at our hands now intertwined like the final piece of a puzzle. She grabs my chin and points it back at her face. She pulls me in close, our foreheads now stuck together. Just as my lips begin to sweep across hers, she whispers, “I have been waiting for you.” I cannot help but smile my grandest smile as I lift her off her feet and embrace her passionately and completely for the first time. As I kiss her, every pain, every negative experience, every rejection is erased from my memory making room for all of the new experiences and memories that she will now fill.

I set her down and we walk hand in hand towards the edge of the water. We sit down in the sand and dangle our feet in the crashing waves. We sit there and we talk for what seems like an eternity, knowing and understanding each other more completely with each word. The sun rises and sets and rises again as we remain locked in conversation. She whispers to me as we begin to lay down in the sand. She rests her head upon my chest and mimics the beat of my heart as I share my heart and soul with her. As time passes, we just lay there. I hold her and kiss her forehead as she begins to sleep. I feel as if I should be exhausted but I have never wanted to stay awake more in my life, awaiting the joyous moment when she awakes and we are captivated once again. I stare up at the moon and begin to pray that this will never end. Each moment with her has been better than the last and I know the best is still to come. I have waited my whole life to find her and now I have her. She is real. I lay there, cherishing every moment with her. My eyes begin to get heavy and suddenly the moon and the stars seem so distant.

I sit up suddenly in the blackness once again. No beach. No ocean. No sand. No moon. And most depressingly no love of my life. I sit in my bed, disappointed and so alone.